


When The Sounds Get Fainter

by ohno_lovelyvela



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Comforting, Established Relationship, M/M, Mark is a very sweet bf and we all wish we had some1 like him uwu, Panic Attacks, sweet boyfriends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-18
Updated: 2019-07-18
Packaged: 2020-07-08 02:22:36
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,523
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19861939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ohno_lovelyvela/pseuds/ohno_lovelyvela
Summary: The horrible emotions that were in Donghyuck get ages old and seep out of his body at the contact.





	When The Sounds Get Fainter

**Author's Note:**

> Uhm I wrote this when I was having a mental breakdown because of electromagnetism and physics in general uwu.

Donghyuck sat still the moment he saw his laptop flash the time. It took him exactly an hour to solve one question in his physics assignment. He feels his throat closing up. It was somehow tightening at the thought of the slew of questions he still did not even look at. Time was somehow running, as though it was a stream of falling water he was desperately trying to hold on to. Donghyuck had so much to get done with so little time to get it done in. And the thought of time passing while he was still frozen in his place made his head feel heavier and his stomach ache with something he was painfully familiar to. 

He knows it’s the beginning of a panic attack, one he successfully deflected for a whole week, but it managed to catch up to him at last. It was a monster he hid so well, avoided so expertly, but somehow it still succeeded to jump out at him in his weakest moments, like it knew when Donghyuck was the most vulnerable.

He rests his head on the open textbook in front of him, his eyes closing tightly to avoid the black numbers and symbols Donghyuck spent a good time of his day trying to memorize. He cant hear anything, or rather he can hear the rumble of the circling fan, the faint sound of the television playing in the living room, but its horrible because Donghyuck feels as though as he’s underwater. He tries to breath in. Take a huge gasp of the air nearest to him, but it is a mistake. The inhale sends his heavy heart to a frenzy of erratic beating and he finds himself hyperventilating. The sound of his own breathing becomes so harsh, it almost sounds like its someone else’s. 

Donghyuck feels his eyes water. This was getting too far. It wasn't the first time this has happened because of studying, or the fact that he was feeling pressured by his never ending assignments. He was used to it, but somehow, it never got less painful. He doesn't know what to call it. Donghyuck doesn't even know if he has to call it something. The first time Jaemin, his roommate, saw him like this, he had scolded Donghyuck for not telling him he suffered from panic attacks. However, Donghyuck hadn't told him, because he himself wasn't aware. He still doesn't call them panic attacks. He was too afraid of exaggerating his condition, or worse putting a label on it. 

His head feels even heavier now, and his stomach churns painfully when he remembers that he is all alone; Jaemin has a two hour lab every Wednesday and he likely wont be back to the dorm anytime soon. He has half the mind to try and call his mother, who is miles away in Jeju, but his heart is still frantic and he is too fearful of alarming his mother. 

Donghyuck’s stomach churns again and he suddenly feels like throwing up. He moves clumsily to the bathroom, too clumsily he forgets to open the lights, and sits near the toilet seat where he dry heaves painfully. He hadn't had anything to eat for almost half a day now, but his stomach and throat still clench painfully as he tries to let something, anything, out to feel better. 

“Donghyuck, Baby-“

And then he is being pulled back from the toilet seat where he hadn't realized he was almost falling into. Strong hands hold him by his waist, lifting him up to rest against the wall instead. 

The bathroom is still dark, and Donghyuck can still feel the walls closing up on his body, but it’ll be a million years before the day he fails to recognize these sparkling eyes comes. 

Donghyuck feels an enormous wave of relief wash over him, like the cool water of the ocean on a pleasant spring day, when Mark puts a few inches between them still holding his hand.

“You did not text me at all today baby”, Mark says, thumb caressing Donghyuck’s knuckles, and the motion calms him down a little, “Jaemin said he hadn’t heard anything from you today and that made me worried” 

His voice is soft when it reaches Donghyuck’s ears, a comforting contrast to the sound of the beating fan in his room, and Donghyuck wants to tell him that its okay. but Mark’s face is pained when he stares at him. He sits cross legged in front of him, still giving the younger room to breath, but his hand holds Donghyuck’s as though he was going to fly away any second.

A few long seconds pass before he is finally able to feel the soft caress of his boyfriend’s thumb at the back of his hands.

When Donghyuck feels his head lighten at last, and the monster that was wrestling with his intestines settle down, he crawls onto Mark’s lap. The older immediately holds him close, arms strong and firm around his body, like he had been waiting pressingly for the moment he got to hold him again. At the warm contact, Donghyuck feels a sudden twinge of loneliness he hadn't known he was feeling leave his body. He sinks into Mark’s body. He lets go. The dam breaks and his tears are overflowing. They fall in large drops into Mark’s hoodie and soak up his left shoulder in salty tears. 

“I’m sorry”, he hiccups. Donghyuck doesn't know what he is saying; the words leave his mouth, for he was glad that he could finally find his voice again and speak. Mark’s arms tighten around him and he holds Donghyuck impossibly close.

“shh. It's okay Donghyuck. I’ve got you now.”, Mark whispers into his ears, while he brushes the short hairs on the back of his neck. 

It takes a few minutes, but his hiccups are soon reduced to small sniffles. Mark turns his head to give him a warm kiss on his exposed neck, “How about we study together in the kitchen instead? I have got a calculus quiz and I could use some company”

Donghyuck didn't even say a thing, but Mark already knew that the source of his torturing misery was school. And he also knew that Donghyuck would not properly rest until he finished whatever he was working on, so he was suggesting to move to another place because he knew it would help him cope better, and feel more productive. Also, chances were Mark did not have a quiz at all, but he was just trying to give Donghyuck a sense of similarity.

He held on to Donghyuck tight, carrying him to the small dinning table Jaemin’s cousin gave them last winter, which they placed in the corner of the kitchen. When Mark puts him down, he gives him a quick kiss on the forehead, puts the kettle on the stove, and then leaves. 

The kitchen is silent when the older leaves, but Donghyuck already feels a million times better. The world around him wasn't so dark anymore and he can faintly hear the water starting to simmer in the kettle. Mark comes back carrying in Donghyuck’s textbook, notebook, pencils, and calculator, which he places on the table where he was already sitting. 

“Mhmm almost done, aren't you?”, Mark asks, referring to the open assignment he was working on, and Donghyuck hears him trying to sound casual, and he feels so grateful for it.

“yeah”, he says and it sounds so broken and small, but Mark acts unfazed.

“Okay once you are done lets watch a movie. How about that?”, Mark asks as he pours the hot water in Donghyuck’s favorite yellow mug. Donghyuck sees him tearing open a bag of green tea and throwing it into the mug, he adds in a tiny bit of sugar, exactly how the younger likes it, and then he brings it up to Donghyuck. He places is it a few spaces away from the textbooks lest any of them accidentally knock it over the papers. 

“What do you want to watch?”, The older asks him. Donghyuck stills for a second to realize that he had never felt so loved in his whole life. Suddenly, as Mark stands even closer, carding his fingers through Donghyuck’s unkempt hair, gently dragging his blunt nails against his scalp, Donghyuck realizes he had never loved anyone this much before. 

He hugs Mark close, burying his face into the boy’s chest, and breathing him in, “I love you”, he says instead.

He feels Mark’s body still at his words. He pushes Donghyuck off him gently, lowering himself to see him in the eyes, “I love you more”, Mark breathes out, and he closes the distance between them, giving him a chaste kiss. 

His lips are home, and Donghyuck almost feels like crying again. The horrible feelings he felt are replaced with nothing but warmth and love now. So much love it made him feel like he could do anything. He kisses Mark with newly found fervor.

The horrible emotions that were in him get ages old and seep out of his body at the contact. 


End file.
